Mar. 23, 2020

My Heart is With You

It dawned on me recently that the Dark Night of the Soul I experienced 4 years ago is what the collective is experiencing now... 

Four years ago, I experienced a Traumatic Brain Injury that caused me to lose my job, my health insurance, and almost my home.  I discovered Reiki when researching Eastern Medicine, as Western Medicine was no longer an option.  Reiki made such a difference in my life, I felt compelled to share it with others, which is how I ended up on my path. 

But in those dark times of uncertainty, suddenly finding myself without employment, the ability to work, or any money coming in, I was in a state of sheer terror.  Coupled with the lack of family, or friends I could lean on for support, and finding myself burdened with a cognitive handicap, where its permanence was ambiguous, words fail to do justice to the state of paralysis and deep depression I found myself in.

I understand with endless empathy what the collective is going through now.  

I've felt that paralyzing fear.  I've tasted that terror.  I know what it's like to lay awake at night, alone and scared, playing scenarios over & over in your head on how you're going to make it through the next day.  

Please know:  My heart is with you. ❤️

I want you to know you're not alone.  As isolating as it feels, please know you are not alone.  When we feel at our wit's end, when we are at our breaking point, wondering if there's anything left for us in this world, I want you to know:  There absolutely is.  

I contemplated taking myself out of the pain 4 years ago.  In fact, had I not had a failed suicide attempt at 18 (and decided then I should really stick to things I'm good at... clearly, that wasn't one of them), then I would have removed myself in 2016.  I can look back now and feel so grateful I did not succumb to that siren song of eternal sleep...  

It was a long road to realization that challenges exist to level us up.  They truly exist for our benefit.  Take solace in knowing:  You will NEVER encounter a challenge you cannot overcome - which is why you experience it in the first place.  If we lacked the ability to survive it, the challenge would not exist for us.  Sometimes it takes a crisis to open our eyes to the fact:  We are powerful beyond measure and there is nothing in this world we cannot do.

I want you to know that we're all in a tunnel.  It's dark, it's cold, and we can't see what's up ahead.  But this is not permanent.  This is only temporary.  We are moving through it, and this too shall pass.  This is not the first time we, as a human race, have found ourselves in this position.  Humans have a knack for innovative thinking, for making lemonade, and for survival.  This will not stop us.  This WILL make us stronger.  

View this time as an opportunity to go within.  Utilize this quarantine as a much needed break from the noise of the world (turn off the fear channel), and listen to yourself.  Chances are, there's a still, small voice inside you that's been quietly trying to get your attention for years, but was drowned out by loud, busy days.  Breathe deep and take that inward journey.  Enlightenment isn't upward, it's inward.  See this as a beautiful opportunity to recognize the blockages and thought patterns that have kept you in a self-imposed prison.  Question EVERYTHING.  Especially the beliefs you were raised with:  "Did this belief benefit me then?  Does it now?"

As we clear our closets, why not too clear our internal clutter?  All the things we wanted to do, but never had the time.... now is our golden opportunity.  Now is the time to go within, start a journal, make peace with your past, forgive yourself, read books, meditate.  Decide what world you wish to create, and how you want to show up for yourself & others.  In the words of poet Rainer Maria Rilke:  "Let me not squander the hours of my pain." 

And please know:  My Heart is Always With You. ❤️

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